Once Upon A Time: Just Add

Here is my entry for the Once Upon a Time writing contest, where the challenge is to write an Unexpected Fairy Tale in less than 350 words ... enjoy!

Just Add

Miranda munched the last triangle of toast.  Her diet required thirty chews before swallowing but it wasn’t a chewing sort of day.  According to her horoscope it was a love day, as she should ‘Expect a romantic delivery’.  Miranda had little faith in astrology.  Goat’s intestines were more reliable, but the neighbours complained about the smell and virgin goats were hard to come by.

            Miranda’s mouse squealed as she clicked on the tracking tab of SpellsRus.com.  Her parcel was scheduled for delivery at 10:28 that morning.  The digital timer on the cauldron read 10:27.  As the glowing number seven blinked into an eight the doorbell chimed.  Miranda shivered, a coy smile flirting behind ebony eyes.

            She skipped to the door, snatched the package from the startled postman and then scuttled back inside like a giant black beetle.

            A mottled brown frog and a sheet of paper tumbled from the padded envelope.  Miranda quickly scanned the instructions, eager to begin.  Kissing was so old style.  All she needed was a drop of water.  Pure sparkling would be best, she thought, and opened a bottle of France’s finest.

            “Ribbit,” said the frog and disappeared in a mist of emerald smoke.  When the smoke cleared a tall, tanned handsome man stood before her.

            “Pardon,” he croaked, “but my belly eez full of bubblez.”

            Miranda turned over the instruction sheet.  There was a miniscule warning hand written in blood-red ink.  Carbonated water can cause premature eructation.

            For a fleeting heartbeat Miranda held her breath and then Prince Charming exploded with a mirror-cracking belch, splintering like a waterfall of diamonds across the lino.

            With hands on ample hips Miranda expelled a rude charm.

            A cough from behind her announced the postman’s return.  In haste Miranda had left the front door swinging.  “Sorry pet, forgot to give you this – it fell out in the van.”  He held out a container of liquid.

            Miranda appraised him.  Not bad looking, quite charming in fact.  She welcomed him into the steaming kitchen.  His trainers splashed in the puddle.  “Don’t worry,” she cooed, “it’s only water.”